Coming Out

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Ira

Safe Sex For Trans Guys

MegaThatcher

Hollow

There’s so much air inside of these four walls,
still air, it’s pressing in on me,
I can feel the silence,
There simply aren’t enough bodies here for my liking,
Just one more would do, just one more other than me,
to hold me and tell me everything will be fine.

It’s them, because of them,
because of those boys that think they are men,
They hurt me, and yet again,
I am here in this place that I never wanted to be in, ever again.

Inside this hollow room I myself feel hollow,
alone and afraid of making my life the best it can be,
A friend, a hug, a smile, a joke,
these things could fill me up again And my hollow would be no more.

They seem to dislike me,
But why?
they have no clue Is it possible they just think I’m a strange guy?
coz that could be fine,
I can win that battle If thats the case I can do anything.

A fear, of the unknown, others fear it as I do.
A fear of what others could know or not know.
It’s enough to bring a man to tears and tremors,
for one’s mind to curl up and cry of its own accord.

If one of them guessed??
If I knew one of them long ago and he remembered?
what could that mean?
I fear their fists, their eyes, even their insolent aggressive little minds.
If they know, I have more to fear than I ever have before…. sitting here hollow…afraid



TommyKaos

Girls or Boys?

Some people ask me which I really like better: girls or boys?
Surely, I must like one better than the other, right?
Why the hell do they want to know?
So they can put me in one of their little boxes?
Why can't I love both?
And what's wrong with bisexuality anyway?
Are straight couples afraid I might seduce both of them?
Are gay couples afraid I might lure one of them away?
Or do people look at me and see something in themselves
that they dare not admit?
Sure, a guy might only have relationships with women but appreciate the sight of a naked man with a raging hardon.
Or a lesbian might have to admit that she likes a dick now and then, but that wouldn't be politically correct, now would it?
Or what about a gay man who really likes to look at women's breasts?
Or the straight woman who does, too?
Or the "straight" men who go down low?
All meet the criteria for classical bisexual behavior,
but how many of them will admit it?
I admit it.
I am a bisexual man who loves both tits & pussy and cocks & assholes.
I love watching lesbians or gay men
or straight couples
or threesomes
or any other number of configurations.
I've only had sex with the opposite sex,
but I've fantasized about everything else
and hope to try different things in the future.
I am a bisexual man.
I won't deny it.
So when people ask me their stupid little question,
I'll ask them, "Why? Do you want a date?"


Aran

Exoskeletons

I feel myself

being broken

open

again.

My chest heaves

as my brestbone

splits in two

so my new self

can emerge

into the Light.

He is beautiful,

standing there

in the Light;

Standing there

in the discarded exoskeleton of my old self.

I thought I had already found my true self.

Isn't that what my transformation is all about?

Discarding the old self

and letting the new self emerge?

I thought I had already done that,

but

maybe

I was wrong.

Now I look down

and see many exoskeletons of former selves.

Each time I took a big step in my transformation,

I shed a little piece of myself.

Each time I had an epiphany or a growth spurt,

I molted again.

Like a crab which has just shed is old shell,

I am vulnerable for a little while

until my new exoskeleton hardens,

but oh the growth that happens until it does.

So I try on this new self for size

and realize that I like it better than the old one.

I wonder how long

this self will last

until it joins the others

on the floor.


Aran

It's medical, not immoral

Being a transsexual is a medical condition. It’s the same as any other medical condition. There is a physical defect with your body. It is not a fetish. It is not a kink. It is not a choice.

It is worrying to me that so many people have this misconception of what transsexualism means. While talking to an MTF friend, she told me that her parents said to her when she came out that they wouldn’t talk to her again until she “became the man Christ wanted [her] to be”. Clearly, they’re a very religious people. But I would pose these questions to them and anyone else who would have the same views;

What would your stance be if your child was diagnosed with a different medical condition? Would you tell your child that God had intended for them to have that physical defect and that they should live with it? Even if it was life threatening? What if your child was born with an obvious physical defect, such as a misformation of the spine, would you tell that child, that is how God intended them to be and to have corrective surgery would be immoral?

If you want to take this logic and run with it you could argue that no illness should be treated, that medical science should be abolished! God intended for you to have cancer! It would be immoral to have corrective surgery or medical treatment! But that’s just a bit silly, isn’t it? I don’t honestly think God would be that mean.

The problem with transgenderism is that there is no test that can be done early on to determine a child’s gender. There’s no obvious physical characteristics, there’s no blood test that can be performed. The diagnosis and treatment for transsexualism is really still in it’s infancy.

But then I think, what about 100 or 200 years ago? Medical science was in it’s infancy then, what would they have made of cojoined twins for example? Medical science has progressed to the point that people now understand that it’s not the ‘work of the devil’, but rather just a birth defect.

I wonder how long will it be before people come to understand that transsexualism isn’t the ‘work of the devil’, it’s just a birth defect.

Keltik

Guest Author - To Commit Pronoun "Fellany"

Foreword

On occasion I will invite a guest author to contribute to the blog, as I believe it's important to get some feedback from non-FTMs on how our community is viewed.

I received an email response to a post I had made on here, LGB-T? from Krisiswriting. She told me that she identified as a lesbian and wanted to respond to the points I had raised in my post regards the lesbian community. I was quite taken with her response and asked if I could post it here to let you all see. Her response is below, enjoy!

Keltik



To Commit Pronoun "Fellany"

While reading the blog at http://thetwordblog.blogspot.com, I felt an unfamiliar urge to get involved with the conversation and reply. I understand that this blog is only for Trans Men, but since the subject of “L” came up and I was reading the blog not as trans, but as a lesbian who is interested in the subject, why not have a little give and take. First of all, I want to say that I am one of those guilty as charged (see the post “LGB-T?”). I’m not an Alex Parks drone; I’m one of those that commit the pronoun sins, mostly towards MTFs as you pointed out. It is not in hatred, it is in ignorance and confusion.

I’d like to think that lesbians are the more thoughtful type, more prone to PC, but this is a tricky category for them/us/me. As perhaps a more independent female sometimes than a straight “breeder”, more attracted to scientific method, more interested in knowing the right answer as so many of us were the only girls raising hands in class, we have this inherent need to “call a spade a spade” when we have further information about a shovel. We are “know it alls”, we may have even been the bottom feeders, the low girls on the totem pole, and no one was below us because even the nerdy boys had their maleness to triumph over us. Many of us were made fun of or felt like lepers when we were younger perhaps. Do you know what happens to an angry nerd girl who was frustrated until her sexual awakening, who’s had an ego boost because now she fits in somewhere? She commits verbal felonies.

In my experience, it’s hard not to tell an MTF. And for some reason I am more likely to call a drag queen “she” than a transgendered man. (And here’s the kick, i don’t even know if that is the right phrase, i just committed another oops moment. If it’s an MTF, is it a Trans man or a woman? I guess it is a woman because this blog is about Trans men.) There is something about “men” that stumps lesbians. When you know it’s there, you point it out. It’s a politically incorrect Where’s Waldo puzzle. When you see butches grabbing their crotches, you notice. When everyone has faux hawks, is wearing baseball hats, or wearing ties, you tally it up. Especially if you are less likely to do those things. You wonder why it seems like suddenly everyone has turned into teenage boys. It perplexes you. Because you are a woman, and you thought that was different than boy, even if a tomboy? And you are gay and into other woman. You didn’t date teenage boys when you were a teenager, yet they seem to be the pickings at the moment in this particular club you are in. And that’s neither here nor there of whom you may end up with; it is just that these are the ”faces” of lesbian right now. The cover models if you will.

We all know “The L Word” is a farce. There seemed to be very few things real about what they portrayed as couples. But what the “real” cover story of lesbian is, is the Trans movement and they did display that as part of the show. I for one feel as though we have been taken over, there was a mutiny somewhere, and this is coming from a reluctant lesbian and only a sometimes feminist. I for one hate our label/title. I’d rather just be gay and considered in the middle, not femme or butch.

It is not about what lesbians don’t have, it’s about what everyone else gets. There is resentment. It is difficult being a lesbian. Does anyone really talk about that? We’ve heard so much from the gay men’s “chorus” because they have cover models that go back to Rock Hudson. We have more men encroaching on our “turf” wanting to be women, and they seem to aim to be better at it than we are, meaning they follow a very traditional feminine role. I can’t apply makeup like some drag queens, gay men and MTFs! Then we haven’t even begun to talk about straight men who we tried to break out of the mold from. Additionally, you have a lot of butch/femme roles being played out in our community that seem stifling. Once you get to FTMs, it is just more of the same male dominance, and some of us have taken issue because we don’t understand what is happening to our community, our inner sanctum, the L in the whole GLBT. We hold womanliness and the feminine in high esteem. Not only that, but as Ls, we’ve had to fight for a different kind of woman, the kind that is not under a man’s thumb.

It’s the reaction of a flinching dog that has been yelled at too many times. There is so much masculinity in this world, and overtly sexualized femininity. We want to bite the hand of the Trans because it sometimes feels like the last straw. We’ve taken all we can of man. We want to keep some of the beauty, brains and power that FTMs hold within them, inside of our circle. We want your kink, your geek, your ego, your courage, your parts, your lips, your love to stay with us. It feels like a whole fleet of women are sailing away to discover a new world where men rule and they can be one of the ruling class. They leave us all waving on a separate shore, and we are not sure how to proceed. To come back to our land and announce “you will now call me sir”, well it’s just a little much to swallow and we are not used to swallowing.

To wrap this up, just like you, we are a work in progress. I personally have been finding myself intrigued by some FTMs. Some are extremely sexy to me, but usually not so much when they bulk up, but when they look like effeminate boys. I stayed up watching youtube until 6am listening to an angelic FTM talk about his surgery and taking T. I was mesmerized. I felt like I could still see his girl beauty, but he was an exquisite example of androgenous to me. When he spoke about his clit growing and having boners, I popped my own girl boner. But when he spoke about needing a bigger phallus and packing, my girl boner shrunk. This particular FTM had gone off of T. He looked like a skinny calvin klein model. I felt a combination of lust and calmness because he still seemed so soft. I watched subsequent videos after he went back on T and I lost my lust. He was scruffier, and looked more like a man growing into himself. Someone loves him. She could be a lesbian, or a straight girl, or a bi boy or another boi or a gay boy. He has the whole world to choose from and a majority of it to be a part of. We are just a little miffed that he turned his gorgeous back on us.


Krisiswriting

Response to Texas

In response to the anti-trans stance taken by Texas in their schools.

Hosted on Tumblr.

Keltik

Blurring the Lines

It's because I'm ambiguous, isn't it?
It's because I blur
those beautifully drawn
black and white lines
that separate men from women
gay from straight
"normal" from--
well, whatever the preferred term is today.

I blur the line between men and women
by claiming my manhood by altering my female body.
I'm a boy,
but I'm keeping my vagina.
I still use it for orgasms;
why on earth would I want to get rid of it?

I blur the lines between gay and straight
by claiming my bisexuality.
My attraction to someone isn't solely based upon
what's between their legs.

I blur the line between "normal" and whatever the term du jour is
by claiming my ambiguity and functioning in society
at the same time.
I'm bi and trans,
but I hold a job.
I attend church.
I have friends.
I don't look any different from any other
short middle aged white guy.
I don't look blurry,
but sometimes I wished I did
so people could actually see the ambiguities
and compare them
to their own.

What lines
do you blur?


Aran

LGB - T?

I've been thinking recently about the term 'LGBT'. Lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgendered. Some people talk about how the T just gets lumped on at the end there, how it's easier to just include us with the gays, like we're not really a part of them, but we're a bit weird and different too, so it's ok. But then, I see how people in the LGB part of the community act towards the T part of the community. They voice similar predjudices towards us that the heteronormative community so often does. I even saw one lesbian refer to a transwomen as "this transexual guy" "He's wearing a fetching pink dress todayy!". Just a complete disregard for this woman's right to be refered to as female, she clearly knows that the person is an MTF, yet chooses to use the wrong pronouns.

It makes me wonder why the LGB part of the community chooses to act like this towards us, you would think that being part of a minority, a communtiy already maligned by the greater heteronormative communtiy, they would be more sympathetic towards our community. Yet they're not.

So why would this be? When I think back to my time in the lesbian communtiy, there was this feeling of hatred and disdain for anyone encroaching on their community who wasn't an 'Alex Parks carbon copy dyke', this included me. I was too butch for them, plus I was into music like Slipknot, not the dance/pop music that was popular then. So even back then I didn't fit in, I was an outsider, I never got to understand the mentality behind this disdain. But it was there, it was real. I see others, who are members of the Butch/Femme community who, to this day, still experience this rejection from the greater lesbian community.

It makes me think, if the lesbian community (I'm sorry I can't speak for the gay community, I've never really had much experience with the boys) is still willing to reject other lesbians for something as trivial as being 'too butch' or 'too femme' what hope does the trans community have?

So I kept thinking. And then I watched a video by Charles (freshlycharles), talking about his expericenes as a female in a 'rape culture'. And it got me thinking some more. I remember hearing so many coming out stories, where women had said that at first they had sexual experieces with guys before realising they were gay. And it made me think, is there something, perhaps on some subconsious level that makes the lesbian community so guarded because they don't want the effects of this 'rape culture' to permeate? They don't have any sexual interest in men and so why would they want this male influence in their world? Do they view transwomen as really just men in women's clothes? Do they view transmen as dykes who 'sold out'? Deaddogx makes some good points in his video about this too.

When I look at the term 'LGBT', the first thing that comes to mind is that the LGB part refers to sexuality, the T refers to gender. Now, as I've mentioned before, these are two different things. Gender doesn't denote a specific sexuality and sexuality doesn't denote a specific gender. They're two seperate entities, so why are they pushed together like this?

Maybe that's a contributing factor to this 'us and them' feeling? Being a lesbian or a gay man doesn't involve having dysphoria, hormone treatment or surgery. There isn't the same kind of big changes involved with being gay as opposed to being trans. Lesbians are biologically female and female identified, as with the guys, they're biologically male and male identified. They are cisgendered people, who happen to be sexually attracted to people of the same sex and gender.

But then what about all the lesbian, gay and bisexual transpeople? They have every right to be a part of these communities, yet they still experience predjudice. But then I guess this takes us back to my earlier point.

I don't like this feeling of 'us and them', be it between the gay community, the trans community, the LGBT community or the heteronormative community. To my mind, conflict doesn't solve anything. We're all in this together, we're all human after all.


Keltik