I've recently started reading a book about masculinity, aptly titled 'Masculinity: Bodies, Movies, Culture' i'm interested in finding out what other people's thoughts on masculinity are as everyone has their own individual stance on what masculinity and femininity are; for example,
a) one person may say masculinity is 'having a cock'
b) others, such as myself may say masculinity is being the man that you feel you are, regardless of how you dress, what genitals you have or how you think,
c)others may think you have to be a-masculine to be masculine i.e. muscular, hairy, disrespectful towards women, violent, into sports etc.
d) others will argue that the idea of gender and gender representation is a sociological aspect of life that is controlled by societies beliefs.
I've found that it seems to either be transmen, gay men and trans/cisgendered women that relate to b and d whereas straight, cisgendered males seem to be completely hung up on the idea that if you don't have a penis then you're not a man and if you do have a penis then you're not a woman.
Now obviously that doesnt go for all of the above and there are the exceptions however I've noticed that in the book I'm reading, which is a compilation of various journal entries and essays from various different people, the chapters by straight males seem to concentrate on the penis and the importance of a penis in regards to masculinity; for example one of the authors referred to various plays and films in which one of the main characters was a pre-op trans woman, the author refers to the characters in female pronouns until the discovery of the woman's penis where his pronouns quickly change to male and when he does refer to the women in their preferred pronouns he presents the pronouns as "she" and "woman" as though mocking her because she doesn't have a vagina and is therefore a man pretending to be a woman.
I was also doing some research for an assignment in which i was searhcing for the story of Brandon Teena. For those of you who don't know, Brandon Teena was a young transman in Nebraska who was brutally raped and murdered by two straight males whom he considered his friends for the simple reason that they found out that he had a vagina. Brandon's girlfriend however and the other females around him either tried to protect Brandon or at least never acted violently towards him after they found out. The men also began to call him Teena whereas the women kept with the name Brandon. Anyway, I was researching Brandon and found a website that had a list of '10 men who were really women'.
Now that's an offensive title anyway although a few of the men were actually women posing as men for the army and returned to their female status after the war, these people also never gave a hint that they identified as trans as their reasoning was generally to be re-united with their husbands in the troops.
However, there were men who defines as men, dressed as men, acted as men, behaved like men and were identified men, Brandon being one of these as well as Albert Cashier, James Barry and Billy Tipton. The men listed defined as men but in the article, written by a cisgendered man named Jamie annoyingly, insultingly and disresepctfully refers to the men as women almost entirely throughout the article.
So what is it with transgenderism and transexualism that terrifies cisgendered men so much? Am I taking away his penis or his masculinity simply by being a man with a vagina? Does my having breasts make me less of a man than him?
What about men who naturally grow breasts because of a hormone imbalance? Or men who lose their penises in accidents? Are they less of a man because of that? In order to be a man in a cis male's eyes am i not a man until i've undergone hormone treatment, breast surgery and some form of penile construction surgery?
I'm happy to say that I am completely male... I just happen to be female bodied. I never plan on having bottom surgery as a penis does not make me a man. My feeling male makes me a man.
I do everything a man is 'supposed' to do. I play video games, I love movies, i'm not that interested in fashion, I enjoy looking at beautiful women (and alot of beautiful men too), I pee standing up, I even shave although I'm not yet on Testosterone. So surely I'm a man? My friends know me as a man, the actually don't know any different. My parents are beginning to accept me as their son and my girlfriend, although a lesbian, accepts me as male. But would my status within my friends change if they were to find out that I don't have a penis and testicles like they do?
I'm not entirely sure why men seem so hung up about their penises and I guess it's something I'll never know but I do know that the only thing that makes me any different from any cisgendered man is what's between my legs.
And honestly, I couldn't give a damn.
Noah
29 January 2010
My daily routine as a Trans Man
Step One - Wake Up
Step Two - Find packer, put it in a pair of girl's briefs so it doesnt fall out. Put a pair of boxers on over it.
Step Three - Find binder, hold it above my head and attempt to pull on like a tshirt. Bearing in mind that the binder has to push down breasticles, this is NOT as easy as it sounds.
- Hold binder above head
- Slide arms up the binder
- With arms still vertically upright, attempt to push head up towards the head hole bit.
(At this point my arms begin to get further in to the arm holes.)
- Grab the bottom of the binder and PULLLLL!!!
- If all has gone to plan the binder should now be pulled down to my groin
- Do some adjusting, get it 'comfortable' (Note. This is impossible in this shitty horrible wanky yet necessary garment)
Tada. Binder on.
9/10 times this works fine. Then theres that little bastard of a time where the binder rolls in to a sausage shape and I then have about 12 layers of compression on my top ribs. This is usually followed by the sound of me screaming "SARAHHHHHHHHHH COME HELP MEEEEEEEEEEE!" or if Sarah has gone to work by this time it is followed by the sound of me shouting various vulagrities which i shan't post here and 15 minutes of trying to get out of this entrapment.
Step Four - Put my jeans on and adjust the packer so I don't look like im walking round with a huge erect wang.
Step Five - Find a suitably baggy t-shirt to hide the binder marks
Step Six - Put a jacket on anyway because looking in the mirror always makes me stare at my chest and think of how much i truly hate my upper body.
Step Seven - Spend quite a while thinking about how I cant wait to get Testosterone and then get my horrible breasty tumour things lopped off.
Step Eight - Spend the whole day trying not to slip up and give away that i havnt always been Noah
Step Nine - Spend the whole day getting called madame 80% of the time and then going into a great big wave of dysphoria and depression.
Step Ten - Come home and take binder off as it's been restricting my breathing and causing chest pains. Thanks Binder.
- Flip binder halfway up
- Fold one arm in to the fold from the flip and use upper arm strength to pull the resistant binding material up towards my head.
- Fold other arm in to the fold and flip whole binder up like a tshirt
- Pull off with not nearly enough ease.
Once again 9/10 times this works. Then one time it will decide it doesnt want to do what i want it to and it rolls into its restrictive, rib breaking shape.
Noah
Step Two - Find packer, put it in a pair of girl's briefs so it doesnt fall out. Put a pair of boxers on over it.
Step Three - Find binder, hold it above my head and attempt to pull on like a tshirt. Bearing in mind that the binder has to push down breasticles, this is NOT as easy as it sounds.
- Hold binder above head
- Slide arms up the binder
- With arms still vertically upright, attempt to push head up towards the head hole bit.
(At this point my arms begin to get further in to the arm holes.)
- Grab the bottom of the binder and PULLLLL!!!
- If all has gone to plan the binder should now be pulled down to my groin
- Do some adjusting, get it 'comfortable' (Note. This is impossible in this shitty horrible wanky yet necessary garment)
Tada. Binder on.
9/10 times this works fine. Then theres that little bastard of a time where the binder rolls in to a sausage shape and I then have about 12 layers of compression on my top ribs. This is usually followed by the sound of me screaming "SARAHHHHHHHHHH COME HELP MEEEEEEEEEEE!" or if Sarah has gone to work by this time it is followed by the sound of me shouting various vulagrities which i shan't post here and 15 minutes of trying to get out of this entrapment.
Step Four - Put my jeans on and adjust the packer so I don't look like im walking round with a huge erect wang.
Step Five - Find a suitably baggy t-shirt to hide the binder marks
Step Six - Put a jacket on anyway because looking in the mirror always makes me stare at my chest and think of how much i truly hate my upper body.
Step Seven - Spend quite a while thinking about how I cant wait to get Testosterone and then get my horrible breasty tumour things lopped off.
Step Eight - Spend the whole day trying not to slip up and give away that i havnt always been Noah
Step Nine - Spend the whole day getting called madame 80% of the time and then going into a great big wave of dysphoria and depression.
Step Ten - Come home and take binder off as it's been restricting my breathing and causing chest pains. Thanks Binder.
- Flip binder halfway up
- Fold one arm in to the fold from the flip and use upper arm strength to pull the resistant binding material up towards my head.
- Fold other arm in to the fold and flip whole binder up like a tshirt
- Pull off with not nearly enough ease.
Once again 9/10 times this works. Then one time it will decide it doesnt want to do what i want it to and it rolls into its restrictive, rib breaking shape.
Noah
Changes In Perception?
So in April 2009 i came out as Trans to close friends and my girlfriend, a few hiccups with reactions but all was well and they got over it.
In June I unofficially changed my name to Noah and in July began seeing a psychologist as is usually required in order to get any hormone treatment and surgery (how shitty).
Anyway, since going from having long hair and wearing makeup and portraying myself as a girl to chopping off the locks, binning the makeup, binding my boobs, packing my trousers and presenting myself as a boy i've had some interesting sociological changes.
Por example:
When I portrayed myself as a girl people opened doors for me, helped me out if i had lots of things in my hand and generally portrayed me as a more gentle human being.
Now whenever I pass as male it's a different story, im expected to fend for myself, to things without help, be the 'strong man' so to speak, I also dont get approached by charities and suchlike as much as possible, it's as though i'm seen as one of those 'youth of today' teenager boys.
In my eyes this is a load of bollocks to put it nicely.
Why is it that simply because I present myself as one gender am I not seen to be as kind or generous as I was before?
Thank you very much society for putting me into your box of "ooh thats a boy under 30. He must be out to kill everyone in the entire world."
Noah
In June I unofficially changed my name to Noah and in July began seeing a psychologist as is usually required in order to get any hormone treatment and surgery (how shitty).
Anyway, since going from having long hair and wearing makeup and portraying myself as a girl to chopping off the locks, binning the makeup, binding my boobs, packing my trousers and presenting myself as a boy i've had some interesting sociological changes.
Por example:
When I portrayed myself as a girl people opened doors for me, helped me out if i had lots of things in my hand and generally portrayed me as a more gentle human being.
Now whenever I pass as male it's a different story, im expected to fend for myself, to things without help, be the 'strong man' so to speak, I also dont get approached by charities and suchlike as much as possible, it's as though i'm seen as one of those 'youth of today' teenager boys.
In my eyes this is a load of bollocks to put it nicely.
Why is it that simply because I present myself as one gender am I not seen to be as kind or generous as I was before?
Thank you very much society for putting me into your box of "ooh thats a boy under 30. He must be out to kill everyone in the entire world."
Noah
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